How to report harassment on a dating app: what to do right away, and what happens next

If a message on a dating app makes you uncomfortable, start here: you did nothing wrong. You don’t owe the person a reply, an explanation, or a reason why it bothered you. You can block, you can report, and you can protect your peace. Here are the steps, the words to use if you want to say something first, and what happens on BLK once you hit report.

Emergency Resources

Understanding what’s unacceptable (and what should be reported)

Anything on this list should be reported. It is common: 38% of U.S. adults who have used a dating site or app have received unwanted sexually explicit messages or images, 30% have had someone keep contacting them after a no, and 6% have been threatened with physical harm [1].

Harassment: repeated messages after your silence or your no, aggressive follow-ups, pressure to reply or to meet.

Sexist comments or unsolicited sexualization: remarks about your body, sexual messages from the first exchange when you asked for nothing of the sort.

Digs at who you are: comments on your skin tone, your hair, how “Black” you are or aren’t, your faith, your sexuality or your gender identity. This is a Black space, and harassment can still come from inside it. Among Black adults who have been harassed online, 54% say it was because of their race or ethnicity [2][3].

Threats or intimidation: any message that makes you feel unsafe, whether it’s spelled out or dressed up as a joke.

Blackmail: emotional (“if you say no, you never cared”), sexual, conditional (“if you want to see me, you have to…”), or a threat to out you to family, church or work.

Fishing for personal information: insisting on your address, your workplace, your social handles, your kids’ school, anything that could identify or locate you.

Impersonation, scams, requests for money: fake profiles, invented emergencies, any ask for cash, gift cards, crypto or an “investment.”

What to do right away when you receive an inappropriate message

Five steps, in this order. It takes a couple of minutes.

1) Stop the conversation

Don’t feel obligated to reply or to justify yourself. Silence is a complete answer.

2) Keep evidence

Screenshot the key messages, and note the person’s profile name, the date and the time. Do it before you block. They matter if the harassment continues, moves off the app, or ends up in a police report.

3) Block the person

On BLK you can block from any profile page or messaging window. Once blocked, the person can no longer contact you through the app.

4) Report

Report from the same profile page or messaging window. Pick the reason that fits (harassment, threats, offensive messages, a request for money) and add a line of context. A clear report is what lets the review team act.

5) Adjust your settings

Check what your profile reveals about where you live, work or worship. If you need to disappear for a while, toggle off “Show me on BLK” under the settings page to put your profile in Hidden Mode.

Emergency Resources

How to report effectively: what helps the review team

A good report takes 30 seconds and gives the people reviewing it what they need to act.

1. Screenshots of the key messages: not the whole history, just the messages that crossed the line.
2. Give context: is it repeated? Is it escalating? Is there a direct threat?
3. Mention any personal info the person got: your phone number, your Instagram, your city, your workplace.
4. Stay factual: describe what happened, skip the insults.

Keep conversations on BLK while you get to know someone: exchanges on the app are covered by our Safe Message Filters, which is why people with bad intentions often push to move to text, email or phone right away. If it already moved off the app, report on BLK anyway, and on the other platform too.

When you’re a woman and you receive threatening or sexist messages

Take it seriously. It isn’t “just humor,” and you don’t have to educate the person. Your priority is your safety and your mental load. Among women under 50 who have used a dating site or app, 56% have received unwanted sexually explicit content, 43% have had someone keep contacting them after a no, and 11% have been physically threatened [1]. You are not overreacting.

• If there’s an explicit threat, a mention of your location, or pressure for a date: report and block immediately.
• If the person is trying to get your address or workplace: don’t reply. Secure your information and check what your profile reveals.
• If you feel in danger: contact someone you trust and call 911.

Three short, firm replies (optional)

If you’d rather say something before you block, copy one of these, then leave:

• “This message is inappropriate. I’m stopping here.”
• “I’m not comfortable. All the best.”
• “I don’t share personal info. Goodbye.”

Before a date: keeping things from escalating

Before meeting someone, watch for the warning signs: pressure to meet fast, early jealousy, insults dressed as compliments, a conversation that turns sexual before you’ve had a real one. Don’t share your address, your daily routine, your exact workplace, or details about your children. For a first date, pick a public place, tell someone you trust when and where you’re going, and be in control of how you get home.

After a date: what to do about worrying behavior

If the person’s behavior after the date worries you:

• Cut contact and report: block and report on BLK, even if the date itself was fine. We want to know about harmful behavior during or after meeting in person.
• Keep the evidence: if the messages keep coming, save the screenshots and the dates.
• If it follows you off the app: block the person on texts and every social platform, and document each contact.

Some of us hesitate to involve the police, and that hesitation is real. For threats, stalking or blackmail, you still have options: your in-app report, a written complaint through the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (the Emergency Resources button above takes you there), and a friend who knows the whole story. In an emergency, call 911 first.

What happens after a report

To find harmful or illegal behavior, BLK uses automated tools that scan interactions on the app, plus reports from members like you. Once an issue is raised through your report or those tools, our trained agents can review the interactions between the members involved as needed to investigate and decide what to do. That may include removing content, banning the member, or notifying the appropriate law enforcement resources. You won’t always see the details of what was done on the other side. If you hear from the person again through a new account, report again.

Taking care of yourself after an abusive exchange

Aggressive or threatening messages can leave you shaken, angry or anxious. That reaction is normal. Take a break from the app if you need one. Talk to someone you trust, and if the feeling lingers, talk to a professional: Therapy for Black Girls keeps a directory of therapists for Black women and girls, and BEAM (Black Emotional and Mental Health Collective) lists Black-led healing and peer support resources. You get to use BLK at your own pace.

3 sources

1. [1]

   pewresearch.org — Colleen McClain and Risa Gelles-Watnick, Pew Research Center, From Looking for Love to Swiping the Field: Online Dating in the U.S., chapter 2, The experiences of U.S. online daters (2023)

2. [2]

   pewresearch.org — Emily A. Vogels, Pew Research Center, The State of Online Harassment (2021)

3. [3]

   pewresearch.org — Emily A. Vogels, Pew Research Center, The State of Online Harassment, chapter 2, Characterizing people's most recent online harassment experience (2021)