Serious People on Dating Apps: How to Find and Spot Them

Serious people on dating apps are out there, and you find them faster when your profile, your questions and your timing all filter for intention. If your last three matches said they wanted something real and then vanished after “wyd,” you’re due for a better filter. Here’s the practical side: the signals to read in a bio, what to ask in the first week and when to move things off the app.

Plenty of people on the apps want what you want. In a Pew Research Center survey, 44% of recent dating app users said a major reason they used these platforms in the past year was to meet a long-term partner [1]. Our own community points the same way: BLK’s 2026 Dating Trends Report, based on a survey of more than 4,000 users, found that Black Gen Z singles are dating with clear intention [2].

How do you find serious people on dating apps?

You find serious people on dating apps by stating your relationship goal clearly, reading profiles for effort and specifics, asking a few values-based questions early, and suggesting a call or date within about a week. People who want the same thing respond to that pace, and people who don’t tend to drop off on their own.

Think of it as a filter with four layers. Each layer screens out someone who isn’t on your page, so you spend your energy on the matches who are.

1. Your profile: say what you want so the right people self-select in.
2. Their profile: look for effort, specifics and a stated goal.
3. Early questions: check values and relationship goals in the first week.
4. Timing: move to a call or a date before the chat goes stale.

Start with a profile that attracts serious matches

A profile that says you want a relationship attracts people who want one too. Relationship coach Amie Leadingham tells daters looking for something long-term to be upfront on your dating profile, because honesty weeds out people who aren’t on the same page [3].

“

Be clear about your intentions from the start, and you’ll be more likely to find someone looking for the same thing. [3]

Amie Leadingham, master-certified relationship coach

Leadingham also suggests including at least three values in your bio if you want a serious relationship, and keeping negativity out of it [3]. A line like “no drama” can read as bitter. Show what you care about instead: “Sunday dinners with my family, growing my business, and a faith I live out.”

You can name your goal in plain words, too. Communication professor Tara Suwinyattichaiporn suggests lines such as “Looking for long term relationships” [3]. Being that clear may bring fewer matches, and the ones you get are more likely to want what you want.

How to read a dating profile for serious signals

A serious profile shows effort: current photos, a bio with specifics and a clear relationship goal. Low effort shows up just as fast, so read the whole profile before you swipe, all the way past the first photo.

Pay attention to the first message as much as the profile. Utah State University Extension’s Healthy Relationships Utah program advises daters to skip generic openers like “Hey, what’s up?” and reference something from the other person’s profile instead [4]. A match who does that has read your profile. A plain “hey” suggests they skimmed it.

Screening questions to ask in the first week

The best screening questions ask about relationship goals, values and communication style, and you can ask them in the first few days of chatting. Asking early saves you time with someone who wants a different outcome, and it won’t feel like an interview if you mix the questions into a real conversation.

Our community already does this. BLK’s 2026 Dating Trends Report found that nearly half of Black Gen Z singles raise non-negotiables within the first few dates, and that shared faith and values carry real weight when choosing a partner [2]. The questions below help you get there sooner.

• “What kind of relationship are you looking for, and what are your dealbreakers?” Relationship coach Amie Leadingham calls this a crucial question to ask upfront so you don’t waste time on someone who wants something else [5].
• “What have you learned from your past relationships?” Listen for accountability versus blaming every ex [5].
• “How do you usually keep in touch with someone you’re dating?” Texting all day and a call every few days are both fine, as long as you’re on the same page [5].
• “Does faith play a role in your life?” Dating coach Damona Hoffman lists it among the questions that reveal values quickly [6].
• “What does a good Sunday look like for you?” Lifestyle answers tell you about family, rest and priorities without sounding heavy.

Timing matters as much as wording. Ask one bigger question after a couple of easy exchanges, share your own answer first, and keep it light: “I’ll go first. I’m looking for something that could turn into a real relationship. What about you?”

How to spot low-effort matches early

A low-effort match gives you short replies, few questions about your life and vague plans that never land on a day. Leadingham describes this pattern as actions that don’t match words, from grand promises with no follow-through to last-minute invites on their schedule only [7].

Watch for these low-effort signs in the chat:

• One-sided conversations: they talk about themselves and rarely ask about you [7].
• Everything on their terms: last-minute invites and no advance planning [7].
• Inconsistent energy: intense one day, gone the next, a cycle often called breadcrumbing [7].
• Ghostlighting: they disappear, come back, then act like the silence never happened. BLK’s report found Black Gen Z singles are naming this pattern and setting boundaries around it [2].
• Pressure to leave the app: Hoffman warns that romance scammers push for your phone number early so they can look you up through a reverse number search [6].

Protect your peace while you sort matches. Pew found that 38% of online dating users have received unsolicited sexually explicit messages or images [1]. If a match crosses that line, you don’t owe them a conversation: block and report, then move on.

When should you move from the app to a date?

Move from messaging to a call or date within about a week of steady conversation. Hoffman recommends setting up a meeting, video call or phone call within one week to stop endless pen-paling [6]. A match who’s interested will say yes or suggest another time.

Make the ask specific and tie it to something you’ve talked about: “You said you’ve been wanting to try that new spot downtown. Want to grab lunch there Saturday?” A clear plan gets a clear answer, and a vague “we should link sometime” without a day attached often goes nowhere.

Before you meet, a quick video call confirms the person matches their photos. Hoffman suggests keeping the chat on the app until you’re ready to meet, then choosing a public place for the first date, never someone’s home [6]. Utah State University Extension also recommends telling a close friend or roommate where you’re going [4].

What if you keep matching with people who aren’t serious?

If most of your matches want something casual, change what you show and how you screen before you give up on apps. Start by rereading your own profile as a stranger would: is your goal stated anywhere, and do your photos match the relationship you want?

Then slow your swiping down. Fewer, more deliberate likes give you time to read each profile and write real first messages, and a smaller inbox is easier to screen well. Leadingham reminds daters not to expect a soulmate after a few right swipes, because finding someone who shares your values takes time [3].

Take your search offline as well. BLK’s report found that Black Gen Z singles blend the app with community spaces, including BLK IRL events, to find partners [2]. Meeting people who already share your circles, your culture or your place of worship gives you a head start on the values conversation.

Want matches who are looking for the same thing you are? Join the BLK community, where Black singles connect on the app and at BLK IRL events.